I've been thinking about marriage these days. Trying to figure it all out. Like for instance. The vows that we take, you know..."For better or worse, rich or poor" blah blah blah.
Now, don't get me wrong it's my desire to marry when I feel the time and person is right but not a second before.
The thing that confuses me is whether or not the idea of what marriage is supposed to be is really real? I mean does it have to be forever?!
What about when you marry someone but you are miserable? LOL. Not to be negative and not to say EVERYONE ends up in this lil pickle but for the ones that do.
For instance some of the couples I know are dealing with cheaters, others deal with not getting the "help" they need from their "help mates", some aren't appreciated, a few feel as if their "significant" others aren't supportive of their dreams and so on and so on.
Now for those of you that are an exception to the rule and are in happy relationships and don't have to deal with any of the bs mentioned above. Then this doesn't include you.
But for those that understand where I'm coming from...my question is WHY? Why do you stay? Is it a requirement? I 'm really, because I've not heard a vow to date that pledges "to stay even if you don't make me happy" or perhaps "to stay forever even if you make me miserable, don't support me, don't help out in our home lives, don't make me feel beautiful" and so on and so on. Correct me if I'm wrong but who on earth would make such a vow? No one! That's who.
Now, misunderstand I'm FULLY aware that there are times when difficulties occur and you have to work to make it work.
But the thing is, I'm confused as to WHEN you work to make it work. And just HOW HARD do you have to work to make it work? To me it shouldn't be that hard. Not if both parties are MEANT to be together.
I guess what I'm getting at is lately, I've been priviledged to be a part of numerous conversations revolving around relationships.
Some first hand and others through "The Grapevine". LOL. And to my surprise the majority of the misery belongs to the men in these relationships. They are the ones doing the most griping. But of course, I can only speak from a womans point of view. So, apologies in advance if my thoughts seem a bit one sided. :-)
With all of this conversating going on the one thing they all have in common is misery! Yep, that's right.
They ALL seem so miserable. Yet, they stay while being underappreciated, cheated on, left to run households on their own etc.
To be honest it scares me to know this too could be me a few years from now.
Now, I'm not going to say I'll purposely go out and find someone that would treat me wrong but what if I get married and he flips the script on me?
What if I marry a man that changes the way he treats me? How long do I stay?
Knowing me, not very long. You see, my happiness is just that important and with such negative circumstances there is NO way I could be happy. And again, MY happiness counts the most!
You see, Where I come from women are taught to put everyone above themselves. Their husbands, kids, family etc.
This is the most backwards thinking I've ever heard!
Ever heard the saying "If mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy"? Well, for me this is so true. If I'm not happy I can't be any good to anybody. I can't see myself suppressing my happiness for the sake off all others. I can't see staying in a situation where I'm SIMPLY not happy. The mere thought of being connected to a situation/someone that isn't bringing me joy scares the daylights out me! The thought of marrying someone and them not supporting my dreams is almost ridculous. That sounds more like a prison sentence than it does a relationship.
I swear I'd die of TERMINAL DISAPPOINTMENT!
Can anybody feel me on this? I mean really. It's the saddest thing to see when couples have it all, house, kids, money, and NO happiness.
Funny thing is, many won't admit to the fact that they aren't happy. They keep it to themselves. Carry the secret inside and hope no one sees through them. My question is WHY?
Why do we not admit to ourselves that we chose wrong? Why do we stay in situations that aren't fulfilling? This could be in our jobs, careers, or personal lives etc.
It's like once we make up our minds to do something we don't have the rights or the guts to change it.
Yea right!
Now, don't get me wrong I take commitment very serious but not too serious and if a job, career or relationship not working out for me then I have to do what is best for me and if that causes for me to have to leave....so be it!
I'd rather be alone than be unhappy. Funny thing is some would rather be UNHAPPY than to be ALONE. People come up every excuse not to leave. Blaming it on the TIME they've invested. The kids happiness. Blah blah blah. Trust me there's nothing worse than a kid being raised in a home full of pain. They grow up with hearts full of pain and 9 times out of 10 will settle for the same things their parents settled for. That's no way to set an example. And as for the time. Heck that's dead and gone and it makes no sense to have invested so much time into something that obviously not working but YET decide to give it MORE time! It almost sounds comedic.
Now again, this is only for the instances where the relationships not making the parties involved happy. Not for the one off instances that occur but for the ones that are just plan miserable.
And by all means this doesn't that mean life, love and relationships will be roses all day everyday but at least at the END of the day there should be lots of effort put into making it that way.
Anything else is uncivilized.
So I guess what I'm trying to say, is while the idea of marriage is exciting to me and I won't go into it thinking it won't work. But in the event that it doesn't I will handle it just like I handle anything else in my world.
I'll reevaluate my decision, decide if it's worth fighting for, think about the happiness or lack thereof that it brings to my life and know that at the end of the day...my happiness trumps all and I have options.
So, in the event that I get the chance to say "I do"...God forbid it doesn't work out then I also have the choice of saying "I NO LONGER do"!
Just thoughts.....
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