After Winter Must Come Spring

So it's the beginning of August. Summer vacation is winding down. The kids are going back to school and it's officially the 3rd season of my entrepreneurship. How's it going so far you ask? Well to be honest, it sucks!

I've went from A.M.D Tees to starting my own Marketing Company to Freelancing for a Marketing Firm for extra income.

And to be honest. All 3 ventures haven't paid a bill yet! What's the issue you ask? Huh, you tell me. I'm not sure. All I know, is the enthusiasm I started off with is slowing dying.

Bills are due, family's hiding from me scared I may need them to help out and baby needs a new pair of shoes! Literally!

What's a girl to do? Do stick it out and go the extra mile? My game plan has somehow vanished into thin air. What once all seemed so simply now seems like a puzzle with a million little pieces. Somehow I've even managed to lose the box with the picture on it to show me with the final product should look like.

I'm lost without a clue. Life's gotten noisy, lonely, cold and downright confusing.

My fridge is as empty as I've ever seen it. My soul is twice as empty. Spiritually, I'm depleted. I'm worn out. I search and search to be feed (both spiritually and physically lol) but nothing seems to be enough.

I'm asking God over and over again, what do I do from here?

Do I run back to the "stability" of Corp. America? Do I fight this thing out? If so, how will we eat? Much less pay for this lovely home in which my heart saddens at the thought of having to part with.

If I get a job and put myself back into the mentality of the worker bees, what type of hell do I have to sit through just to pay the bills? Will their be enough hours left over in my day to pursue the things Gods placed in me? Will their be enough money in the bank to put towards continuing my dream?

Heck for that matter will there be enough time, money, or energy left to put into my son and what he desires to do and have?

So many questions not enough answers. Oh wait lemme rephrase that. Answers our all I seem to get. I get them from my family, my friends, strangers in the street, mentors etc.

They ALL seem to have answers to MY problems. Thing is, none of them seem to do me any good. They all have something different to say.

Some say, I should give up on my dreams and go home to raise my son near family. Others say I should get a job and worry about my dreams after I raise my son. Some say "dreams, what are those? I've given up on them long ago". LOL. Sad to hear, I know. But yet true.

With all of this wonderful advice I'm sure you can see why I'm confused and lost.

The only thing I'm clear on is I DON'T WANT TO STOP FIGHTING.

My next feat is to decide what exactly I'm fighting for. Is it A.M.D Tees? My marketing company? My long lost music career? Am I fighting against the home I know I could always go back to but for some reason just was never enough for me? Am I fighting to prove to myself I can do it? Or to the nay sayers that standby showing false support? Am I fighting to show my son that dreams really do come true?

No matter what the answer bottom line I don't want to throw in the towel. God and I are able to do this thing. God and I! Nobody else!

Sure things look bleak. The well has appeared to run dry. Food isn't in abundance. Clothes and gas are hard to come by. But as with all things, what goes up, must come down. For everything there's a time and a season. A time for plenty, a time for lack. A time for carefree living and a time to cut back. A time to laugh and a time to cry. A time for friends and a time to be alone with God. A time for struggle and a time for progress.

So, in this season I have to show my appreciation for the times when it wasn't this hard. I thank God for the "plenty" seasons He's given me in the past and will reflect on such times during this "lack" season He's allowing me to walk through. Knowing that He's the same today as He was yesterday and I will be better than okay.

As for A.M.D Tees, marketing or music I'm not sure. All I know is that whatever is coming IS COMING! Just past the horizon. I can see it!

Sure it's the middle of August and my world seems so cold but to me it's all good because as you know, after winter must come spring.